enough, i could get rid of this now or you are done and you are thinking it doesn't quite work. what am i not doing right and can i salvage it or not. may be this si writing exercise that took 5 years. all the things that are going through or mind. i wrote her and i said, i thought about this not only for her but for my own sake it was a little selfish. i wrote back and said to her, thinking back on all the books i have written and okay, not every book is the same book you would write now if you did them but why did i write that book at that time. i said, i think the reason sometimes we write books is to get to the next one. and may be, may be this book you had to write even though nobody was going to see it but for yourself. i thought, should i send this?